Lunch with Girlfriends

 This is for you ladies!!! I recently ate at a restaurant where a table of girlfriends of a certain age were having a wonderful time, and came home and wrote this. You may recognize somebody, maybe yourself ...

Lunch With Girlfriends

By Kathy O’Malley

Elaine’s vertigo has never been worse

Kay can’t recall where she left her purse

Rhonda’s about to replace her knees

Linda’s breathing is tinged with a wheeze

Donna's left boob has a troublesome lump

Diane’s on her third trip to take a dump

Lorraine’s husband can’t remember a thing

Nine years a widow, Marge still wears her ring

Marlene is dealing with another UTI

Sally’s giving a hearing aid another try

Marie has decided she can’t drive at night

Sharon still wears clothes two sizes too tight

They’ve been through divorces and babies and wakes

They do for each other whatever it takes

They’ve already buried Marcia and Kate

And truthfully, Lizzie’s not looking so great

So whenever they can, they get out to eat

Open bottles of wine and forget their sore feet

There’s laughing and crying and letting down guards

And when the bill comes, there’s ten credit cards

So here’s to the waiters who keep orders straight

And to the places that let lunches run three hours late

And here’s to the girlfriends, those near and those far

Here's to the girlfriends, you know who you are!!!

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea, or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on CDs. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defends and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, have dinner with my husband, and eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

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By: Delphine Fieberg

Another one found on Facebook with an unknown author......

A church in Atlanta was honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age.

After a warm welcome introduction of this speaker, and as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gait to the podium.

Without a note or written paper of any kind, he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself, and then quietly and slowly he began to speak....

"When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials. The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heartbreak and pain and fear and sorrow paralyzed me...

The only thing that would comfort me was this verse....

"Jesus loves me this I know.

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong,

We are weak but He is strong.....

Yes, Jesus loves me....

The Bible tells me so."

The old pastor stated, "I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children's hymn 'Jesus Loves Me' (for the children of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best."

"Here for you now is a Senior version of Jesus Loves Me":

JESUS LOVES ME

Jesus loves me, this I know,

Though my hair is white as snow

Though my sight is growing dim,

Still, He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)

YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME..

YES, JESUS LOVES ME, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

(verse 2)

Though my steps are oh, so slow,

With my hand in His, I'll go

On through life, let come what may,

He'll be there to lead the way.

(verse 3)

When the nights are dark and long,

In my heart, He puts a song..

Telling me in words so clear,

"Have no fear, for I am near."

(Verse 4)

When my work on earth is done,

And life's victories have been won.

He will take me home above,

Then I'll understand His love.

(verse 5)

I love Jesus, does He know?

Have I ever told Him so?

Jesus loves to hear me say,

That I love Him every day.

If you think this is neat, please pass it on to your friends. If you do not pass it on, nothing bad will happen, but you will have missed an opportunity to "reach out and touch" a friend or a loved one. God Bless Us All!!! AMEN!

the Christian Grandma

 

I found this one on Facebook.  The author is Unknown.

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ......

I assumed you had stolen the car.''