Faith

An atheist professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem Science has with GOD. He asked one of his new Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From . . . GOD . . .

Professor: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you'll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won't you?

Forward this to increase their knowledge . . . or FAITH.

By the way, that student was Einstein.!

My Name is METH

My Name is Meth I destroy homes. I tear families apart.
I take your children and that's just the start.
I'm more valued than diamonds. More precious than gold.
 The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember; I'm easily found.
I live all around you. In school and in town.
I live with the rich. I live with the poor.
I live just down the road. And maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not in one like you think.
I can be made under your kitchen sink.
Or in your child's closet and even out in the woods.
If this scares you to death,  It certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you'll know best.
I'm sure you've heard of me. My name's Crystal Meth.
My power is awesome. Try me you'll see.
But if you do, You may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go.
But if you try me twice, then I own your soul.

When I posses you, You'll steal and you'll lie.
You'll do what you have to Just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit, For my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure, You'll feel in my arms.

You'll lie to your mother. You'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears you must not feel sad.
Just forget your morals and how you were raised.
I'll be your conscious. I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from their parents. I take parents from kids.
I turn people from God. I separate friends.
I'll take everything from you;  your good looks and your pride.
I'll be with you always. Right here by your side.

You'll give up everything; Your family, your home
Your money, your friends, You'll be all alone.
I'll take and I'll take 'Til you've no more to give.
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned: THIS IS NOT A GAME.
If I'm given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravage your body. I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely. Your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you when your lying in bed....
And the voices you'll hear from inside your head....
The sweats, the shakes, and the visions you'll see....
I want you to know: These are your gifts from me.

By then it's to late and you'll know in your heart
That you are now mine, And we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me. (They always do.)
Remember, you came to me. Not I, to you.

You knew this would happen. How many times were you told?
But you challenged my power. You chose to be bold.
You could have said "No" and then walked away.
If you could live that day over now, what would you say?

My power is awesome as I told you before.
I can take your mother and turn her into a whore.
Go ahead and curse me with every breath.
Just make your choice: Will it be life or meth?

You will take unknown paths on your journey through life.
Some will bring happiness. Some will bring strife.
But, my path is one you must not ever cross.
Although it's well trodden countless lives have been lost.

Now that you've met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can show you more misery than words can tell.
Come, take my hand. Let me lead you to Hell.

Just try me once and I might let you go.
But if you try me twice, then I own your soul. 

Railroad History

A little known bit of railroad history!


Even if you didn't work for the railroad this story has an interest for all.


Train Station Watches Were Just the Beginning


If you were in the market for a watch in 1880, would you know where to get one? You would go to a store, right? Well, of course you could do that, but if you wanted one that was cheaper and a bit better than most of the store watches, you went to the train station! Sound a bit funny? Well, for about 500 towns across the northern United States, that's where the best watches were found.


Why were the best watches found at the train station? The railroad company wasn't selling the watches, not at all. The telegraph operator was. Most of the time the telegraph operator was located in the railroad station because the telegraph lines followed the railroad tracks from town to town. It was usually the shortest distance and the right-of-ways had already been secured for the rail line.


Most of the station agents were also skilled telegraph operators and that was the primary way that they communicated with the railroad. They would know when trains left the previous station and when they were due at their next station. And it was the telegraph operator who had the watches. As a matter of fact they sold more of them than almost all the stores combined for a period of about 9 years.


This was all arranged by "Richard", who was a telegraph operator himself. He was on duty in the North Redwood, Minnesota train station one day when a load of watches arrived from the east. It was a huge crate of pocket watches. No one ever came to claim them.


So Richard sent a telegram to the manufacturer and asked them what they wanted to do with the watches. The manufacturer didn't want to pay the freight back, so they wired Richard to see if he could sell them. So Richard did. He sent a wire to every agent in the system asking them if they wanted a cheap, but good, pocket watch. He sold the entire case in less than two days and at a handsome profit.


That started it all. He ordered more watches from the watch company and encouraged the telegraph operators to set up a display case in the station offering high quality watches for a cheap price to all the travelers. It worked! It didn't take long for the word to spread and, before long, people other than travelers came to the train station to buy watches.


Richard became so busy that he had to hire a professional watch maker to help him with the orders. That was Alvah. And the rest, as they say, is history. The business took off and soon expanded to many other lines of dry goods.


Richard and Alvah left the train station and moved their company to Chicago -- and it's still there.


IT'S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT that for a while in the 1880's, the biggest watch retailer in the country was at the train station.


It all started with a telegraph operator: Richard Sears and his partner Alvah Roebuck!
(for you youngsters, the Sears store was called "Sears and Roebuck" when I was young)

VETERAN'S DAY **11-11-11**

Veterans Day 11-11-11 

Thank you ALL for your service and sacrifice!!!

Interesting Veteran’s Statistics off the Vietnam Memorial Wall

SOMETHING to think about ---

*Most of the surviving Parents are now Deceased.

*There are 58,267 names now listed on that polished black wall, including those added in 2010.

*The names are arranged in the order in which they were taken from us by date and within each date the names are alphabetized. It is hard to believe it is 36 years since the last casualties.

*Beginning at the apex on panel 1E and going out to the end of the East wall, appearing to recede into the earth (numbered 70E - May 25, 1968), then resuming at the end of the West wall, as the wall emerges from the earth (numbered 70W - continuing May 25, 1968) and ending with a date in 1975. Thus the war's beginning and end meet. The war is complete, coming full circle, yet broken by the earth that bounds the angle's open side and contained within the earth itself.

*The first known casualty was Richard B. Fitzgibbon, of North Weymouth, Mass. Listed by the U.S. Department of Defense as having been killed on June 8, 1956. His name is listed on the Wall with that of his son, Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Richard B. Fitzgibbon III, who was killed on Sept. 7, 1965.

*There are three sets of fathers and sons on the Wall.
 
 *39,996 on the Wall were just 22 or younger.

*8,283 were just 19 years old.

*The largest age group, 33,103 were 18 years old.

*12 soldiers on the Wall were 17 years old.

*5 soldiers on the Wall were 16 years old.

*One soldier, PFC Dan Bullock was 15 years old.

*997 soldiers were killed on their first day in Vietnam. ?

*1,448 soldiers were killed on their last day in Vietnam. ?

*31 sets of brothers are on the Wall.

*Thirty one sets of parents lost two of their sons.

*54 soldiers on the Wall attended Thomas Edison High School in Philadelphia. I wonder why so many from one school.

*8 Women are on the Wall. Nursing the wounded.

*244 soldiers were awarded the Medal of Honor during the Vietnam War; 153 of them re on the Wall.

 *Beallsville, Ohio with a population of 475 lost 6 of her sons.

*West Virginia had the highest casualty rate per capita in the nation. There are 711 West Virginians on the Wall.


*The Marines of Morenci - They led some of the scrappiest high school football and basketball teams that the little Arizona Copper Town of Morenci (pop. 5,058) had ever known and cheered. They enjoyed roaring beer busts. In quieter moments, they rode horses along the Coronado Trail, stalked deer in the Apache National Forest. And in the patriotic camaraderie typical of Morenci's mining families, the nine graduates of Morenci High enlisted as a group in the Marine Corps. Their service began on Independence Day, 1966. Only 3 returned home..


*The Buddies of Midvale - LeRoy Tafoya, Jimmy Martinez, Tom Gonzales were all boyhood friends and lived on three consecutive streets in Midvale, Utah on Fifth, Sixth and Seventh avenues. They lived only a few yards apart. They played ball at the adjacent sandlot ball field. And they all went to Vietnam . In a span of 16 dark days in late 1967, all three would be killed. LeRoy was killed on Wednesday, Nov. 22, the fourth anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination. Jimmy died less than 24 hours later on Thanksgiving Day. Tom was shot dead assaulting the enemy on Dec. 7, Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.


*The most casualty deaths for a single day was on January 31, 1968 ~ 245 deaths.
 
*The most casualty deaths for a single month was May 1968 - 2,415 casualties were incurred.

For most Americans who read this they will only see the numbers that the Vietnam War created. To those of us who survived the war, and to the families of those who did not, we see the faces, we feel the pain that these numbers created. We are, until we too pass away, haunted with these numbers, because they were our friends, fathers, husbands, wives, sons and daughters. There are no noble wars, just noble warriors.

A Mermaid or a Whale?

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

 

By: Delphine Fieberg

Abbey

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4-ye...ar-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words: 


Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith


We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this not


Dear Meredith,
Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.
Love, God

Daddy's Day

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied in a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees. A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at? " she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one!"another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another dead beat dad, too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom,
and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came incredibly unique,
"My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you can not meet him, I wanted you to know
all about my daddy and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories. He taught me to ride a bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me how to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone,
though you can not see him, I'm not standing here alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me, Even though we are far apart.
I know because he told me. He'll forever be in my heart."
With that, her little hand reached up and layed across her chest,
feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years!
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life,
doing what was best for her and doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. S
he finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and Loud.
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heavens just to far.
You see he is a soldier and died just this past year,
when a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught us all to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of dad's and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me daddy."to the silence she called out.
And what happened next, made believers of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each one of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of a shining star
and given the gift of believing, that heaven is never to far.

Burned Buscuits

FOUND THIS FROM A FRIEND ON FACEBOOK & IT WAS TOO MEANINGFUL NOT TO PASS ALONG: When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his Biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!" You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did! Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE

Are you a Carrot, an Egg, or a Coffee Bean?

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

by Pamela DeWitt on Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 6:11pm

I found this in the local paper on 14 August 2010. It is written by my pastor, Dave Goodale.


"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world." ----Matthew 5: 13-14


There is a story about a young man who went to see his mother,and told her about how things in his life were getting too hard for him. He did not know how he was going to make it and wanted to give up. He was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

His mother took him to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.

In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second pot she placed eggs, and in the last pot she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about 20 minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and poured it into a bowl. She then asked her son, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," he replied. His mother brought him closer and asked him to feel the carrots. He did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked her son to take an egg and breakk it. After pulling off the shell, he observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked her son to sip the coffee. The son smiled, as he tasted its rich aroma. then the son asked his mother, "What does it mean?"

His mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity (boiling water). Each had reacted differently. The carrots went in strong, hard,and unrelenting. However, it became weak after being subjected to the boiling water. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

His mother asked her son, "Which are you?"

When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? Ayou the carrot that seems strong, but with the pain and adversity, do you wilt and becomesoft and lose your strenghth? Are you the egg that starts with aw malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Do you have a fluid spirit, but after hardship or some trail, do you become hardened and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or are you like the coffee bean, who changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain?

Which are you? With God's love we can change the world around us.

In this Life.....I'm a Woman

In my next life.....I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute & cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs AND excess body fat.

YUP....Gonna be a BEAR ! ! !

Paraprosdokian

I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

And now for my favorite Words of Wisdom:
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."