IDEOLOGY SHIT LIST

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say "Shit happens."
Buddhism: Shit happens, but not really.                                                                                                
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Baptist: When shit happens, everybody will go to Hell except us.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Unitarian: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Jehovah's Witness: [KNOCK KNOCK] Shit happens.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Scientology: If shit happens, see Dianetics, p.157
Rastafarianism: Smoke that shit!
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happened, maybe not.
Atheism: I can't believe this shit.
Nihilism: No shit.

Life Changing Event

I found this on facebook, on the KTVN channel 2 news page.  It is written by a man named Royce Solberg.  I thought it was soooo well written that I wanted to keep it & share it.

It begins one day when we least expect it. A tragic event of great proportions, that impacts the lives of many.

This afternoon a fire broke out in the Washoe Valley area, around 12:30 in the afternoon.

After experiencing very high winds and erratic fire behavior, flames engulf everything in their path, destroying homes, and turning houses, and cars, as well as out buildings, into piles of burning ...and smoldering bits.

We see the reporters on television covering the events, and our hearts drop, as we feel a great deal of angst and compassion for those who have lost so much. Animals and human lives threatened by this fire's fury, are driven from their homes, as knocks on their doors advise them to leave, as they are in great danger if they stay. We see the grim remains of these once gorgeous homes in a serene setting, now fully engulfed, as residents flee from their life's dream, and investments.

We watch as well as fire personnel on scene,the rapid advance of the flames, and wonder what's next. A Press conference details the events that are transpiring, and watch those in shelters, glued to the T.V set, watch it with transfixed eyes, wondering if their house and animals will survive. Feeling helpless, some cry, and others comfort those who weep as another home is shown engulfed by this wildfire, now way out of control. Hour after hour, the residents of Washoe City continue to ask officials for conformation that their house is still standing.

The day transforms into dusk, and eventually into darkness. The eerie glow on the hilltop is discomforting for those in the wake of the advancing flames, and they too are overcome with fear, and uncertainty. The News reveals a count of acreage and homes lost, and eventually, a report of some progress, as the wildfire's forward advance has been stopped. We watch the forecasters as they give hope of wetting rains to snuff the embers, and hot spots, wondering if it will come soon enough to snuff this beast out. The winds die down, and become almost still, and we are told, folks that live in the area will not be allowed into their neighborhoods until the area is cleared. No one in shelters, or at friends and families houses, or hotel/motels sleeps, as they worry through the night, wondering if they are going to be lucky enough to find their home sill standing.

We know the rain and snow is coming, but not soon enough. There will be snow sometime soon, and those in the burn area will walk through the remains, to see the destruction, with a blanket of white snow, covering up the ugly scene, as if everything was made clean, and purified by its glistening cover.

Our hearts and prayers go out to those afflicted by this horrific event. We will keep you in mind, as we in this community come together once more, in the wake of another life changing event.

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
 

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say:

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say:
Lord, blessed be Your name

This is one of my very favorite hymns we sing at church

Thank You Lord for all the many, many Blessing you give to me
Every year,  Every day,  Every hour,  Every minute of my life!!

 

How to Give a Cat a Pill

How to Give a Cat a Pill:

 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.

 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.  

 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

 13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
3. Sod the cat.